Selfish Wishes
by Almandine-Azaleea
Summary: A dream makes Tohru think about her actions: I am so sorry Kyo...I am so selfish....KyoXTohru


**Disclaimer:I don't own Fruits Basket!

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Selfish Wishes

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Tohru awoke gasping. Her breath came in ragged puffs as she tried to blank the images from her dream...the echoing taunts still reverberating in her mind.

Tears slipped down her face, pounding upon the covers, and frissons snaked their way through her body.

She sobbed loudly despite her best efforts not to, her breath being squeezed out of her at irregular intervals.

The tears kept flowing, and her heart felt as though it was going to burst.

She was alone...

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Kyo couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, but couldn't rid himself of the unnerving sense of something being extremely wrong. He got out, thinking a small walk would clear his head. 

A strange sound made him freeze in his tracks, outside his door. It sounded like…It was coming from Tohru's room. Rushing as silently as possible, and listened carefully.

So he hadn't imagined it…

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Kyo cracked the door slightly, and his heart wrenched painfully at the sight that welcomed him. 

He walked in, sitting himself down next to her.

"Kyo-kun..." she gasped.

"What's wrong Tohru?"

"Nothing. Just a silly dream. I am sorry I woke you up." she tried to bow and repress her tears at the same time.

"You didn't wake me up. Now what's wrong?"

Tohru tried to sniff inconspicuously, and failed.

"I-i-it's nothing...really...just a dream..." she trailed off in her small voice.

"Tohru..." he sighed "...want to tell me about it?"

Her eyes widened.

"Oh...no Kyo-kun. I couldn't possibly! You need your sleep...I can't keep you up like this."

"Tohru...I want to know" he brushed his fingers against her hair lightly.

"Umm...okay...if Kyo-kun wants to know...it was just...something Rin-san told me a while back..."

Kyo-kun gritted his teeth.

"No, no, no, no...it's not like that" she mumbled hurriedly. "She was going through a...hard time, I understand. It wasn't her fault...but it made me think."

"About?"

Tohru took a deep breath.

"How do you put up with me?"

He scrunched up his face in confusion.

"What do you mean...put up with you?"

"I mean...the ugly side of me...the selfish person..."

"Tohru...what ARE you talking about?" he grabbed her by the arm and turned her to face him.

Tohru looked down, unable to keep Kyo's gaze.

"My dream...it made me realize how horrible I've been."

Kyo's eyes widened further.

"What...made you think that?" he managed to choke out

She looked away.

"Tell me...why would you even think that?"

"Because it's true" she whispered softly.

"It's not!"

"It is! I'm sorry Kyo-kun, but it's true. I'm such a horrible person! So selfish! I thought...I thought I was doing this for everyone! I thought I was doing it to see Yuki-kun go to college, to see Momiji be able to play with his sister...to see Haru-kun and Rin-san happy together...to see Kyo-kun smile..."

Kyo searched for words, only to find they were all gone. What was she doing? She didn't! She wouldn't have! Her actions of late suddenly clicked into place with resounding certainty.

She...was trying to break the curse? And she thought it was selfish? Of her?

"Tohru...that's not...I mean..."

She shook her head.

"It is. I understand now. I wasn't doing it for those reasons. I was doing it for me...because I was being selfish. I wanted...I wanted...I wanted Kyo-kun to hold me..." she whispered.

Kyo's voice died in his throat. His arms hurt from wanting to whisk Tohru to himself and keep her there until she stopped crying.

But he couldn't. When he was the cat he received comfort from Tohru, and now he needed to give it...

"I'm sorry Kyo-kun. You must be so angry with me...I'm so horrible."

He felt tears run down his own cheeks. This angel before him thought she was the devil incarnate.

"Kyo-kun! Oh! I'm so sorry! I'm horrible! I...please don't cry...it's a stupid dream...I'm being too..."

"Tohru!" he managed to rasp out and she raised her eyes in wonder.

"You...you are...beautiful!" he searched out her hand and wrapped his fingers around it.

"I can't hold you...and I don't deserve to...but...will you be happy if I just hold your hand?"

She regarded him, her eyes wide in amazement, and a soft blush on her cheeks.

"Kyo-kun...thank you"

"It's alright to be selfish sometimes."

"I'm sorry you had to see this ugly side of mine."

He half-laughed bitterly.

"Tohru...you've seen my real form...how can you still think you're ugly?"

She looked away. He put his hand on her face and brought her closer, kissing her on the forehead.

"You are beautiful. And self-less. Don't ever forget."

She stared at him, almost afraid that somehow she would find he was lying. He kissed her again lightly.

"Go to sleep, Tohru...you need to rest."

"Ano...Kyo-kun..."

She looked down timidly, unable to voice her request, paralyzed by her own audacity. He understood.

She was just as afraid of loneliness.

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Kyo smiled as he laid down, his hand still grasping hers. They were facing each other, both careful not to do anything that could even resemble a hug; their intertwined fingers- their only link.

"Tohru..."

"Hai!"

"Thank you."

"Huh?"

Knocking her head lightly with his free hand he smiled again.

"For being you."

"Uhm..."flustered she tried to think of something in reply.

"Kyo-kun is much too kind." she said demurely.

He stayed silent, watching her eyes glimmer with her old spirit.

"You once said...you wanted to...stay together, share everything...with me. I never thanked you."

"Oh no, Kyo-kun. I don't need thanks. I didn't want Kyo-kun to ever be lonely again."

His eyes darkened.

"It's the fate of the Cat, Tohru."

She bit her lip.

"I know, but..."

"It's not supposed to work, you know...not Hattori...not Rin and Haru...and..." 'not us' the words hung unsaid.

"I know...but I won't let Kyo-kun be alone anymore. I want to see Kyo-kun smile!" her own boldness surprised her and she stopped abruptly, blushing.

Kyo was torn between laughing and crying. She awoke so many feelings in him- more than he knew what to do with.

"Rest..."

He brushed his lips against her forehead again. She smiled at him.

'I want to wake up to her face'- the bluntness of his thought caused a heavy blush to stain his features. He had seen the same thought reflected in her eyes.

Still...he was the Cat, meant to be alone...despised...but for the first time accepted, wanted...needed. He wished he could make the night last eternally...so he would never have to leave...never have to leave her. He sighed deeply.

They both knew he wouldn't be there when she woke up.

"I've always loved the Cat." he thought he'd heard the words whispered, but Tohru had her eyes closed now, and was snoring lightly.

He brushed her bangs gently. Letting go of her hand, he slowly got up. He couldn't stay...it would make great trouble for everyone, and especially for her.

He bent slightly and brushed his lips against her cheek in passing.

"Silly onigiri...I wanted to hold you, too..."

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Author's Notes: Ok, this is for my dear Spirit Of Innocence who has been ever so lovely to me from the very beginning. I'm sorry it took me so long to do this request, but I hope you like it.Secondly thank you to Neisha, I hope this will make you feel better, and maybe even make you smile... Thank you for all you kindness towards me.

You are both such wonderful friends.


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